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Infamous Gym Pool to Close

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by Courtney Cholewa

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The pool located above the gymnasium is due to close down. Lack of use was cited as the cause of the pool’s demise.

Woodbridge High School’s infamous pool will be closing down on April 13th due to lack of use.

The pool, located above the gym, was first opened in 1975 by a group of enterprising seniors. Attendance, however, has been slipping in recent years.

Although it is widely known that the pool’s prime visiting time is September, with attendees mainly consisting of freshmen, attendance rates have declined substantially, leaving many to question whether the pool is worth maintaining. A number of unsubstantiated rumors have circulated about why attendance has fallen off so severely.

Students are quick to cite an account that cockroaches are hiding in the filters, while others speculate it’s because students can’t catch the elevator due to it being occupied by crying teachers. Even Woodbridge Township Mayor McCormac is on the record reiterating an alternative fact, claiming that WHS had a Lochness Monster of its own.

No matter what the reason is, the truth is that maintenance has exceeded the revenue that the pool brings in, making the Olympic-sized pool a liability. “It’s a real shame. I remember doing laps in the pool when I was a student here,” said math teacher Mr. Kaelber. “What a time to be alive.”

Since the shutdown was announced, the Board of Education has received tens of complaints. The most guilty offender, history teacher Mr. McLaughlin, had a lot to say about this catastrophe. “I went there to escape my wife and [Mr.] Sacco. How else will I do that and maintain my perfect physique?”

Others affected include the WHS swim team, who will now have to share their practice time at the Woodbridge Community Center pool with the senior citizens’ water aerobics class.

Star swimmer Andrew Rodriguez, junior, was upset about the pool closing. “I made so many great memories in that pool. My sentimental heart is broken,” he said.

While most don’t care about the pool, they do care about what is becoming of it. Speculation has it that the water will be frozen over to create an ice rink, which wouldn’t be used for the hockey team, like reccomended, but instead for rejected Disney on Ice Stars to perform for Mr. Lottman whenever he is feeling under the weather.

“The idea popped into my head when I realized I was spending millions of dollars on trips to Disney almost every week. Why do that when I can have subpar actors of my own to watch?” said Lottman.

Students interested in one last dip can purchase a pool pass for five dollars from any senior. The pool closes promptly at 10:00pm. Life guards will not be on duty, so students will swim at their own risk.

3 Comments

3 Responses to “Infamous Gym Pool to Close”

  1. Tony on May 26th, 2017 11:01 pm

    this has to be false, I never heard of a pool

    [Reply]

  2. Tony on May 26th, 2017 11:01 pm

    this has to be false, I never heard of a pool

    [Reply]

  3. Tony on May 26th, 2017 11:01 pm

    this has to be false, I never heard of a pool

    [Reply]

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Infamous Gym Pool to Close