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The Barron Perspective

Lottmann Gets Dolled Up

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by Amber Spearnock

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Mr. Lottmann’s plastic counterpart in his beach house clothes. Glenn dolls will be available in 2020, coming with a variety of outfits.

The Ken Doll, aka Barbie’s other half, is going to have some competition soon. Due to the number of students who idolize Woodbridge High School’s principal, Mr. Glenn Lottmann, the school has funded the creation and production of the “Glenn Doll.”

“I love everything that the school has done to make this dream of mine a reality,” Mr. Lottmann said. “I feel so honored even though, to be honest, I knew this day would come.”

Mr. Connelly and Mr. Chiera, however, are “slightly disappointed” that they don’t have dolls of their own. “Mr. Chiera and I are just as important as Mr. Lottmann and we should have our own dolls, too. Just because we are vice principals doesn’t mean we don’t matter,” Mr. Connelly said.

While people aren’t sure about Matthew (Mr. Connelly) or Christopher (Mr. Chiera) Dolls, Glenn Dolls are very much going to become a thing at this school. Mr. Lottmann expects to charge $50 for these limited edition dolls as they are “genius” and “overall the most stunning doll you will ever see.”

He expects every student in the school to purchase at least one and he plans to use all of the profits to make bigger and better Glenn Dolls in the future.

The dolls will be funded and sold by the school store due to the obscene amount of Ramen being sold everyday at lunch. They are being hand made by the teachers of WHS. Mr. O’Halloran will be in charge of testing the dolls through the quality control process as he is the only teacher in Woodbridge High School who still acts like he is five years-old.

You can expect the Glenn Doll to hit the shelves of the school store on February 30th of 2020. Students who graduate before then can purchase the doll online on the school’s website, but supplies are extremely limited.

There will be 250 dolls made for every double consonant in Mr. Lottmann’s name, which means only 1,500 dolls will be produced. Get yours before they are gone.

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Lottmann Gets Dolled Up